Get Him Off: Your Guide to Giving a Great BJ

Since we spent last week talking about the ins and outs of getting a girl off, we thought it would only be fair to dedicate this week to one of the all-time favorites in men's pleasure: the blow job. In order to give you the best possible advice, we've compiled a fool-proof guide based on our own experience and the advice of some "sexperts." Let us preface this by saying, the only reason for giving a blow job is because you want to. If you don't want to do it, it won't be good for either party involved. That said, guys, do not push the head of your partner down towards your crotch, it's tack and very not sexy- hence, we don't appreciate it. In the event that you want to perform oral sex on your partner, here are some tips to help you give him a mind-blowing orgasm. 

First, place one hand around the shaft at the base of the penis and grasp the testicles with the other hand. Next, swirl your tongue around the tip of the penis and lick along the shaft from base to tip. Work back up to the tip, concentrating your tongue action along the ridge that connects the head of the penis to the shaft. Now place your mouth around the tip of the penis, taking care to cover your top teeth with your upper lip (yes, you'll look like granny) and cover your bottom teeth with your tongue (we're well aware of how goofy that looks, but no one likes a teethy BJ). Suck lightly on the head while moving your hand up and down the shaft. It can be helpful to hold the skin down at the bottom of the shaft to make it easier for you and gives your partner maximum sensitivity. We also find it very effective to play with the balls, pressing them into the body and lightly pulling them away. 

Continue sucking on the head and down the shaft, using your tongue to stimulate the tip, along with the up-and-down hand motion along the shaft. As this can get tiring pretty quickly, it certainly helps to mix it up a little. Give your mouth a rest and run your tongue along the balls and the underside of the shaft. If you really need a bit of a break it is completely acceptable to use both hands to stimulate the penis while you rest your jaw and mouth; a fun technique to use is to move both hands up and down while twisting them in different directions, as if you're twisting those pepper shakers in McClurg- just don't get too rough... Once your jaw is rested enough, on the underside of the penis, you'll feel a v-shaped indentation/ area that connects the shaft and the tip of the penis- this is called the frenulum. Flick your tongue along the frenulum to make him go crazy. 

Continue sucking and working your hand up and down the shaft. If you feel comfortable to do so, deep throat the penis- meaning, take the length of the penis as far as possible into your throat in the process of sucking. If your gag reflex can't handle this, it's ok, you can still give a stellar BJ without deep-throating. It's perfectly ok to concentrate on the tip, occasionally taking part of the penis deeper into your throat, letting your hand compensate for your gag reflex. 

Now for the tricky part. When the time, ahem, cums- to spit or swallow? This is entirely a personal decision. Some enjoy the taste and like to finish the act by swallowing (a wise woman once described the flavor as 'bananas and salt'- we say she's pretty right on. Others prefer to spit or let their partners ejaculate into a towel or maybe even onto a ,er, body part. Regardless, do what your like and feel comfortable with. Again, oral sex is supposed to be fun for both parties. With communication and helpful hints, the next time you give your partner a "blow-jay" (thanks, Superbad), the experience is sure to be mind 'blowing,' if you catch our drift. 

Happy Sexcapades Sewanee! See you next week!

Get Her Off: A Brief (ish) Lesson

Let's think about a typical random (heterosexual) Sewanee hook up. Sally and Chester go back to Sally's room after a night of drinking at Sigma Chi. After sloppily making out for approximately 45 seconds, Chester decides to feel Sally up. From there, things progress quickly to third base. Chester might finger Sally. Chances are pretty decent that Sally gives Chester a blow job. However, we would hesitate to assume that Chester reciprocates by performing oral sex on Sally. In our observations guys do not seem as willing as women to give oral sex. Why is this? Let's get back to Chester and Sally. Let's assume Sally and Chester end up having (hopefully protected) sex. Considering the fact that they've been drinking, the sex is probably a little sloppy, that is, if Chester doesn't have "whiskey dick" and can get it up. Assuming Chester is not a victim of drunk penis, it is highly likely that Chester will have an orgasm, while the chances of Sally getting off are significantly smaller. Are we right? Yeah, we thought so. Why is this? Why do guys almost always climax while women are hard pressed to find a guy who can help them get off. Now guys, if you're thinking, "whatever, I'm the man. Every girl I hook up with screams my name and begs for more," news flash: in case you haven't seen When Harry Met Sally, women really good at faking it. All you guys out there, take a minute to think about how many girls you’ve hooked up with and ponder about how many might have been faking it and then telling all their friends about how you just couldn’t hit that right spot….feeling a bit inadequate? Even if you are pretty decent in bed and are, in fact, capable of helping your partner orgasm, there's always room for improvement. We’ve got instructions and a great idiot proof diagram to help you along.

A Disclaimer: What follows are tips and instructions to help a woman achieve orgasm. That said, do not forego foreplay, it is essential to help a woman get all hot and bothered and ready for the earth shattering good time you should be able to give her after our helpful hints. Be sure to not underestimate the fun of making out, it is a fun and frisky way of getting in the mood. Also, stroking, petting, rubbing, even through clothes are also good ways to warm a woman up.

So get ready because here we go!

Alright, rule number one: Find the clitoris. (See the above diagram) We can not stress the importance of this enough. The clitoris, located ABOVE the vaginal opening but BELOW the point of the pubic bone, is the only part of the human body, male or female, that is designed solely for pleasure. It’s a bump/mound about the size of a small pea or bean… if you’re having trouble finding it, she should be able to guide you to the right spot. Ladies, if you haven’t found it yet… grab a mirror- you’ll know when you’ve found it and you’ll never be the same again. In other words, consider the clitoris as the gateway to the female orgasm.

Rule number two: The clitoris is not a doorbell. Just because you press it or poke it repeatedly does not mean an orgasm will come to the door. You have to love the clitoris, stroke it, rub it, but gently. You can either touch the clitoris directly or through the inner labia- the area around the clitoris. This less direct stimulation will be sufficient for lots of women. When touching the clitoris it is important to try to use your middle and ring fingers, these fingers tend to be smoother and softer than pointer fingers. There are several techniques one can use when stimulating the clitoris; some of these include: a simple up and down stroking, sided to side, making a figure-eight around the clitoris, or rubbing the sides of the clitoris.

Also important to note is that all of these techniques can be replicated with your tongue! Oral sex can be fantastic for women, it’s just that men don’t or won’t usually do it. Stimulating the clitoris with your tongue can be a very effective way to bring a woman to orgasm. Just don’t lap your tongue, you’re not a dog, a vagina is not a water dish. That said, don’t try to penetrate a woman with your tongue, unless you’re that Kiss guy, it’s not gonna do much. The pressure required varies from woman to woman so we would say it’s safer to start out with a softer touch and she will probably guide you from there and if she doesn’t, ask! She will appreciate your consideration of her pleasure it could even bring about some sexy instructions!

Rule number three: Penetration does not feel good for everyone woman. Translation, there is a potential that if you are fingering a girl, she hates it. Some girls find issue with fingernails, others with the lack of stimulation (are your penis and your fingers of equal size? I should hope not), and some just straight up don’t like it. That said, don’t just shove your fingers in her vagina and expect her to love it and get off. This is another situation where asking would be appropriate.

Rule number four: Should she enjoy manual penetration (fingering), stimulate the G-Spot. Debates are still ongoing about the true nature of this sought after erogenous zone, some women find it very stimulating. Here’s how to find it: with the woman facing you and your fingers inside her vagina, curve your fingers as if you are motioning for something to come, so to speak, towards you. It would feel like you’re hooking your fingers under her pubic bone, from the inside. Some say it feels like a spongy almond. If you stimulate it properly, it can bring about an earth-shattering orgasm.

Keep in mind that all women are different and will enjoy different levels of pressure, stimulation, and penetration – it all comes down to communication. So don’t be afraid to ask, experiment, and hopefully help your partner achieve the ultimate in her sexual Sewanee experience. If you’re lucky, maybe she’ll do the same for you.

Theme Parties: A Sacred Tradition or a Glorified Orgy?

‘Pimps and Ho’s,’ ‘Golf Pro’s and Tennis Ho’s,’ ‘Sec and Exec’s.’ What do all of these themes have in common? They all ask the men to dress up and the women to dress down; down to nearly nothing, that is. Ladies, does your attire consist of items which are low-cut, cut-off, and short? Great. Check yourself out in the mirror. You look super sexy, how could any guy resist you? Guys does your outfit look a little bit like what you wear what you wear everyday save for maybe a robe, a tie, or some tennis shoes? Great. Check yourself out in the mirror. You look….relatively normal. Now we mustn’t forget the appropriate beverage for such parties: alcoholic and plentiful. Alright boys and girls, you’re all set. Now go off into the wide world of frat and make good decisions that you wouldn’t ever forget in McClurg the next morning…..

Yeah, right.

Sure, these parties can be fun, and admittedly, we’ve gone to most of them ourselves. But really, what message is it projecting when girls are expected to a packed party with bumping music nearly nude and extremely intoxicated? What kind of sexual environment does this create? Why do we, as adults, have to be ‘wasted’ to have a fun sexual experience? Why do women have to be drunk and wear a fur bikini to attract a handsome Viking at ATO’s infamous party? Ignoring the general sloppiness of the entire act, nobody likes to wake up with vomit or urine in their bed. Not to mention, copious amounts of alcohol have been known to limit a man’s ability to, ahem, rise to the occasion. Of equal concern, women are far less likely to get off whilst wasted as well. Speaking of getting a girl off, tune in next week guys when we will teach you the ins and outs, so to speak, of helping your female partner curl her toes and scream your name (aka: reach orgasm, duh).

Cum check us out next week for more Sewanee Sexcapades!