Dear Sewanee Sexcapades,
I've (female) been sexually active with my partner for a while now and while I enjoy hooking up with him, I don't orgasm. Is something wrong with me? Or am I actually getting off but I just can't tell?
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
First off, if you were reaching climax, you would know, trust us. Secondly, why do you automatically assume that something is wrong with you? There is NOTHING wrong with you; plenty of women go through their whole lives never having had an orgasm. But, they did not have such a helpful and thorough blog to help them with their queries.
Tip 1 - Masturbate. This is essential. You can reference our post on "Getting her off" and apply the techniques to some solo sexiness. Sadly, there seems to be a consensus among young women these days that masturbation is weird or gross, but it's not: it's an orgasm aka it's AWESOME. Relax and take your time, make sure you won't be interrupted because the first few times it can take a while to reach orgasm. Once you have masturbation down, you can move on to the second tip.
Tip 2 - Tell your partner what you really truly enjoy and what gets you off. You don't have to accuse them of being bad in the sack, you could simply say "I really love it when you do [insert specific rubbing/touching/licking/etc here]. That way, you're not really telling them that they were doing it wrong the whole time, because that could a huge blow to anybody's ego.
Tip 3 - Show your partner how you masturbate. It may sound weird but it's easier than it sounds. For example, if you're having penetrative sex and you are top, your hands are free to roam both your body and your partner's. Or if you're just making out and things are looking to get a bit more serious you could stimulate both yourself and your partner as a way of including them in the manual stimulation.
Bottom line: Don't let nobody or nothing come in between you and your orgasm. Trust us, once you have one, you'll never want to get oh so close.......only to lose it. Should your partner be truly offended at your openness about 'gasp' touching yourself, perhaps it is time to find a more open minded and sexually engaging partner, but that discussion is best saved for a different post.
Good luck and happy sexploring!
